This will be my final post for now on Precious and Positive for two reasons. The first reason that I simply don’t have the time with caring for our young children, homeschooling, and church activities. The second reason I think I will stop blogging for now is that I think I am done with sharing details about Noel’s health on a public blog.
Noel is currently doing fine despite all her life challenges. It is our daily prayer that she continues to make progress even though it is very slow at times. We love her and can’t imagine our life without her. The day-to-day struggles do not surround managing her HIV, but have to do more with her continued feeding issues and life with a feeding pump. However, we are finding out more and more that her feeding issues, global developmental delays, and seizures can all ultimately be blamed on her HIV.
I am currently really struggling with hating her HIV. I hate it for her because it has made her life so much harder. It is sad what is normal for this child regarding doctor’s visits, lab work, and diagnostic tests. I hate that she has to endure so much. I also hate the stigma that is associated with HIV. That we feel like we cannot share our struggles with others to hopefully gain support because we believe their responses would not be positive.
HIV adoption can be a simple thing. You are adopting a child that just needs medicine and visits a PID doctor 3 to 4 times a year. That was not our story. It was not that simple for Noel. We DO NOT regret our adoption for one second. We love our daughter and can’t imagine not having her and helping her through this life. But there are risks associated with HIV adoptions. HIV is real and can affect a little one for life. But there are always risks for a medically needy child whether you adopt or give birth to a child. For Lance and I God choose to bless us with a medically fragile and needy child. If I had known all we would have faced with Noel before our adoption, I would have told you we could not handle all of it. But God knows us better than we know ourselves and He is daily changing me to be a better mom to Noel and my other two children as He makes me more like Christ.
These are some of the truths that keep me sane on my journey in this life.
My God is sovereign over all things.
He is sovereign over Noel’s HIV and her brain.
My God knows our path…whether we have darker days or brighter days ahead and He can be trusted.
My God loves and cares for Noel more than I could ever.
One day in heaven Noel will get a new body and she will be free of HIV.
My God will supply all our needs.
His mercies will be new every morning.
My God is faithful.